Guest Writers: David Miller and Michael J. Miller
A few weeks ago, Kalie began her “Walking Through The Walking Dead” series and in her first article, she briefly commented on how the characters in the show have a surprising amount of mousse/hair gel for a post-apocalyptic dystopia. There’s also a lot of shaving of the face for men and legs/armpits for the women too. Basically, there’s an odd amount of modern grooming happening in a world gone to hell. This has generated a great deal of heated debate (particularly between my brother and I). So, below David and I have written short, opposing opinion pieces about grooming in the zombie apocalypse. Please read and please, please, please (yes, I’m begging but sibling debates will generate this) leave your opinion in the comment section about whose side you’re on! We are seeking some Internet aid in settling a debate that has filled too much of our free time already.
ABANDONING MODERN GROOMING – Michael’s Side
Essentially, I am advocating the point Kalie put forth in her original article. It makes no sense to maintain the modern approach to grooming in the zombie apocalypse. The zombie apocalypse causes a world to essentially regress and default to a survival of the fittest scenario. When your daily concerns comprise food, clean water, shelter, and steering clear of (or killing) rotting corpses intent on consuming your flesh, hair gel isn’t important anymore. Like our shared ancient history, life becomes a struggle to survive in the zombie apocalypse. And, to be blunt, if you’re worried about how you look doing it you’re going to die (most likely quickly). You only have so much time to scavenge safely for supplies and you’re not going to waste that time at the Garnier rack at a burned out, abandoned Target – especially when hungry zombies may be roaming the store. Values transform in a new world and there’s no place for our superficial or culturally constructed rules. Gone are the days of makeup, hair product, random/pointless shaving, and concern with your appearance. Hair would most likely be cut off, as short as possible, to avoid being caught by a pursuing zombie and clothes would be chosen for functionality and environmental appropriateness, not for designer styles or how they flatter your figure. Now, I’m not saying bathing is out the window nor am I advocating the end of basic hygiene. You’re still living with others so, when you can do so and do so safely, basic hygiene is essential (and polite). But even that becomes secondary to survival. The only logical (and natural) approach to living in a zombie apocalypse would be to abandon modern styling needs and focus on survival.
MAINTAINING MODERN GROOMING – David’s Side
I’ll keep this short because there should be no debate here, but since there is…here are four points to get this side rolling. There is no reason to throw self-respect out the window in the face of the zombie apocalypse. First, there would not be zombies chasing you around all day every day like depicted in Hollywood so you would have plenty of time to do your own personal upkeep. Go out in the middle of nowhere and stay quiet and get yourself some time. Second, working out is almost a must in this situation. If one is fit and in shape one has a much better chance at surviving (rule #1: cardio). Third, and some might view this as shallow, but at some point repopulating the Earth would come into play and that also involves personal maintenance. Wichita would have looked right past Columbus if he had let himself go and looked like a zombie and vice versa. Fourth, giving up on caring about yourself, whether it is shaving your face or armpits or legs or fixing your hair, is basically giving up in general. In a zombie apocalypse you would have already lost so much: family, home, friends, guitars, photos… why would you willing lose yourself? Maintaining yourself would be the last aspect of a regular life that you can hold onto. To give up on yourself would be giving up on hope and I cannot nor will not give up on hope.
Okay, there you have it! What do you think? When the world goes to hell as a result of a zombie virus infecting most of the population, are you still caring for how you present yourself?? Are you still going to be concerned with frizz, fly-aways, and bad hair days? Or are you diving into the scruffy and gritty gutter? We’ll gladly beg once more for your comments so please, please, please post something below to let us know where you’re and why!
If you’d like more zombie fun, here are Kalie’s other pieces on The Walking Dead: